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from Christine and Matt Lawton

Although three years have now passed since that awful day when we lost our precious Paul in such horrific circumstances, we have come no closer to "living with it" as the cliche implies but, then again, we really don't ever expect we will learn to live with it. As time goes by it does not "heal" as once again the cliche "time is a healer" implies. How can anyone learn to live with or expect time to heal such tremendous grief or fill such an achingly large void and loss in our lives? God, however, is good and gives us the strength to cope and we truly believe that Paul is also playing a large part in helping us to cope. We truly do sense his presence in so many ways. One might think there is not much difference between learning to live with something and coping with something. For us, there is a huge difference. Learning to live with would imply eventual acceptance. We have not accepted Paul's death. We still cannot understand why it happened. We still don't know how it happened or what really caused it to happen. These questions and many others including hundreds of if only this or if only that constantly plague our minds. We know only too well that we could never cope with all of this without Paul's constant comfort and encouragement and the sure knowledge that God needed Paul for work that cannot be done on this earth and we can only thank God for the gift of such a treasure of a son, for as long as we had him.

As mentioned at the beginning of this message we have now moved. Our new address is Apartment 28 156 Foregate Street, Chester CH1 1HJ and our telephone number is 01244 347 507 from the UK or 011 44 1244 347 507 outside of the UK. This move we honestly do believe has been accomplished only with Paul's help. When we returned to England after Paul's funeral, we immediately put our house on the market. All we could think of at that time was getting away from the home where we lived when this tragedy happened. Looking back on it we realise that this was not a rational thing to do but then again we were not in a rational state of mind. We didn't know where we wanted to go - had no idea whatsoever - we just felt that we had to get away. Nothing materialised with the sale however. We had hardly any viewers and it appeared that we would never be able to sell it. As time went by we were able to become more rational and decide where we wanted to move to should we ever be able to sell. We thought of moving back to Canada but didn't know whether we would go to BC or to Ontario and we also considered staying in England but again, had no idea where. We gradually came to the realisation that we would stay in England and considered Chester to be a good place for us to live in at this time. No sooner had we decided upon that when out of the blue a gentleman came to the house, considered it to be exactly what he needed and put in an offer. Prior to this, although we had looked at several apartments in various places we just could not find anything that we really liked. As soon as we received the offer to purchase however, we found the perfect place for us to live. This was no coincidence. Roses Rained for us and we knew that Paul was showering them upon us.

We continue to receive messages of comfort, Mass Cards, words of consolation etc. On the Vancouver Sun Guest Book many of these have been posted. This can be accessed by clicking on the link at the left hand side of this page which takes you to the messages received at the time of Paul's death but if you click again at the top of that page, the current guest book can be viewed. This scrolls from the present day right back to 2005. This website of Paul's is invaluable to us and we do thank Shawn so very much for his expertise in keeping it going and to all of Paul's friends who have contributed to keeping it alive. You may rest assured that it is viewed regularly by us and we never tire of reading all the messages and stories etc. This, for us is a link with Paul that we truly treasure. Thank you sincerely.

Christine and Matt. 
July 2008

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